Hopeless Wanderer

I had a terrible day yesterday.  The kind of day that should have/ could have been an amazing day.  A day with CANCELLED PLANS.  There is nothing I love more than cancelled plans.  I am not an overworked, overscheduled kind of mom, but still.  Having two hours cleared up in the day is like a gift.  If you treat it like one.  My original plan on that rainy Tuesday was to lie down on the sofa with a book and revel in the peace and quiet.  What I ended up doing instead looked nothing like that.  Guilt took over.  Bouncing around from thing to thing, feeling like I should do something “productive” while fighting the urge to just rest, had me in such a state.  I had chocolate for breakfast.  Read that again.  I had chocolate.  For breakfast.  So gross.  And the day went downhill from there.  Let myself get sucked into the vortex that is E-mail, Facebook, and Pinterest.  Cable TV.  Videos on the iPad.  None of them working properly or even helping to get me out of my funk.  For years I have called Tuesdays “Tantrum Tuesdays.”  We are all just a little or a lot grumpy that the weekend is over, the work week is just starting, and there is so much work waiting to be done. 

By the time the afternoon came, I had been spinning so wildly all day, I just unraveled.  Expecting my daughter’s soccer practice to be canceled due to said rain, I made plans for cooking dinner.  But no- practice was on!   I got so frustrated about not being able to schedule anything anytime anywhere.  I was angry over the lack of control over those few hours in my life.  I was angry that I had “wasted” the whole day away.

On the one hand, cancelled plans had caused me to unravel.  On the other hand, established plans that I had known about and planned for ALSO caused me to unravel.  You can’t have it both ways!  We thrive on structure.  We also thrive on spontaneity and freedom from restrictions.  The trick is recognizing where you are and enjoying it for what it is.  I failed that particular lesson yesterday. 

As I was driving my daughter to practice, in the rain, I was reminded of Mumford and Sons and one of my favorite lines in Hopeless Wanderer.  They sing, “I will learn to love the skies I’m under.”  Appropos for yesterday’s wild weather.  Because, you see, in the middle of soccer practice, the sun came out.  And the kids played their hearts out.  They weren’t fretting over plans they had made.  They weren’t worried about getting wet or cold.  They just wanted to play.  And the sun came out and shone on those precious bodies doing what they do best- running free.

Maybe we have to have days like yesterday.  Maybe we have to spin and snarl and growl and get stuck sometimes to realize the good things we have.  The simple things that make life worth living.  Like reading a book on the sofa.  Which I will do the next time I am feeling out of sorts. 

To help remind myself of the simple pleasures that can help get me out of a downward spiral, I have composed a list. 

Things to do when you don’t know what to do:

1.  Lie down and read a book

2.  No electronics!

3.  Listen to music  (Mumford and Sons, Coldplay, The Avett Brothers,  “Winter” playlist)

4.  Make a smoothie

5.  Go for a walk

6.  Drink a glass of water

7.  Write a card to someone

8.  Clean something   (Not a whole room.  Just one thing- like the inside of the microwave. )

9.  Dust

10.  Call and schedule that massage/ doctor appointment/ class you’ve been meaning to go to.  Make it for two weeks out- you don’t have any plans that week yet.

11.  Meditate

12.  Request good books from the library

13.  Get that online driving school class out of the way already!

14.  Read Momastery

15.  Call a friend

16.  Take a bath

And I am going to work on switching “Tantrum Tuesday” to something to look forward to.  GratiTuesday.  Taco Tuesday.  Take Ten Minutes and Lie Down Tuesday.  Something. 

 

 

Tiny Epiphany

While at yoga today, a tiny epiphany:  Growth comes from pain. 

That is all.

Also, I think I have finally realized that I will never be “motivated” to scrub floors and toilets and the inside of the microwave.  But these things must still get done. 

Pain, growth, and a clean house (maybe on Monday).  Happy Friday!

The Rejects

Looooonnnnnggggg after I first heard of “blogging,” I started considering writing my own blog.  (And how does “WebLog” get shortened to “blog” anyway?  My forty-year-old brain is addled from thoughts like these.)  Since blogging has been around for so long, clearly moving quickly on new ideas and inspirations is not my forte.  I had started writing a few years ago as part of the self-led course, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron.  And soon after I was finished, I began fretting over the title of my blog.  That’s the most important part, right?  It has to say everything about you, who you are, and what you stand for.  You have less than a second to grab someone’s attention or interest.  The title seemed realllly important.  So I’ve been spending the last 3 years coming up with the perfect title.  And writing drafts of future blog posts.  And throwing them away.  Throwing most of them away. 

I’m not sure “birdonawiremusings” captures my true essence, it’s longer thanI really wanted it to be (“birdonawire” having been already taken), and it could be interpreted a million different ways.  But it’s the one that ultimately stuck, and after all this time one must just forge ahead.  I think it’s important, however, to take some time to review the rejects.  The following lists probably tell more about me than some essay about considering birds on telephone wires during road trips.  Herewith:

Blog Title Rejects

1.  Late to the Party  (so so late)

2.  Slightly Inappropriate      (we’ll get to that part, unfortunately)

3.  Sh*tty First Drafts     (figured I’d owe Anne Lamott royalties and I just don’t have that kind of cash)

4.  So Tacky     (Bless her heart.)

5.  Not Another Mommy Blogger     (but…)

6.  Stay at Home Mom [Still]

And Then the Blog Titles I WISH I Had Thought of on My Own

1.  The Bloggess    (Sounds regal and dignified.  Till you read her.  You will pee yourself.)

2.  Rage Against the Minivan    (Yes!  Yes!  A million times Yes!)

3.  She’s Whiskey in a Teacup    (See # 2 and #4 above.)

4.  Mommy Has a Potty Mouth

So that’s it.  Six years of soul-searching work.  For this.  And those real blog titles?  If I knew how, I’d embed the links.  I have so much to learn.  And also, I kind of don’t want to send you away.  You just got here.  Till next time…

Here we go

“For this is what we do.

Put one foot forward and then the other.

Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more.

Think.  Act.  Feel.

Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world.

Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night.

Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day.

With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own.

With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved.

For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on.

God help us.  God forgive us.  We live on.”

-Excerpted from Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts