Navy Blue Cardigan (For my mom)

It hung there, limply, in the closet

A symbol of submission, conformity, pathos

So boring

And she wore it without apology

She was the one to

take charge

make the schedules

mark the items off the list

plan the meals

iron the napkins

order our days and nights

create a soft cocoon of routine around our chaotic existence

Insist insist insist

on the right thing always

She was the one who was

sensible

moderate

calm

She wore a navy blue cardigan

and sensible shoes

and a little touch of jewelry

not too flashy

But you thought her hopeless, pathetic

lacking in imagination

controlling

And you railed against convention and tradition

lists and plans

schedules

You spun off into your own irregular orbit

Till one day you woke up and realized

that Monday is your laundry day too

And Friday IS the best day for grocery shopping

And you have traded your edgy, black, modern wardrobe

for clothes that are a little softer, a little looser

Navy goes with everything too, and it’s more flattering to your diminished appearance

So you slide the cardigan on one arm at a time

And it fits.

 

March 9, 2015

I am at Target and everyone in here looks like they just got out of prison.

As in, they are wearing the exact clothes in which they committed their particular crimes.  Blood stains and all.

Help me.

Reflection

As she approached the mirror

her breath caught

She braced herself

for what she was about to experience

Pain shame disgust

And then

a miracle

She decided to love herself instead

Dogwood

Look closely

Among the bright leaves
and the red berries showing off

are the light gray buds of next spring’s blossoms

Waiting

Just waiting